There's a secret about deep tissue massage that most people never hear.
Not from their friends. Not from a spa menu. (I've never read a spa menu that got deep tissue right. That's probably part of the problem.) Sometimes not even from the person working on them.
I've given more than 25,000 massages over 27 years. Here it is:
Deep tissue massage doesn't have to hurt. And it shouldn't.
I know. That goes against everything you've been told.
What Most People Believe
Most people walk in thinking, "If it doesn't hurt, it isn't working." Or, "If it doesn't hurt, I'm not getting my money's worth."
So they grit their teeth. They hold their breath. They curl their toes and grip the edge of the table and wait for it to be over. The next day they're sore and maybe a little bruised, and they think, "Well, I paid for that. It must have worked."
It feels like proof. It isn't.
Here's What Really Happens
When something hurts too much, your body fights back.
Your muscles tighten up to protect you. Your breath gets short. Your shoulders creep up toward your ears.
So now I'm trying to get a muscle to let go, while your body is telling it to hold on.
It's like trying to calm someone down by yelling at them. It doesn't work. It just makes things worse.
What "Deep" Really Means
I work deep. But deep isn't about how hard I press. It's about how far in the muscle lets me go.
The work is progressive. I start where your muscles are ready, and I go deeper as they let me. Layer by layer. When a muscle trusts that it isn't under attack, it lets go, and I can get further in than I ever could by forcing it.
Tricks Beat the Jackhammer
Some therapists use what I call the jackhammer approach. Just pounding away, harder and harder, hoping something gives.
Trust me, I've been on the other side of that. I once had a massage that hurt so much, I almost filed an assault charge afterward.
There are better ways. When I work a spot really deep, I mix in some lighter, soothing work so your body can settle. Sometimes I use a passive release. I find the exact spot, put the muscle in a slack, relaxed position, and work it there until it lets go.
There are tricks to it. And the tricks get further than the jackhammer ever will.
That's how I Lengthen, Release, and Lock It In. I lengthen the muscles that have gotten short. I release them, so each one can move on its own again. Then I lock it in with a stretch at the end, so the muscle stays longer and looser instead of snapping back to tight.
People get off my table and tell me they feel longer, or even taller. I hear it all the time.
The Pain That Is Worth It
There is one kind of pain that belongs in a good massage. I call it "good pain." Some people call it therapeutic pain.
It's the feeling that something good is happening. Like the tension is finally leaving. It's unmistakable. You'll know it when you feel it.
Bad pain makes you brace. Good pain makes you breathe out.
How to Tell You're Getting Good Deep Work
You can breathe normally the whole time
Your hands and jaw stay loose
Any discomfort feels like relief, not like something to survive
The next day you feel looser, not like you got hit by a truck
If you've ever had a massage that didn't pass this test, it wasn't your fault. You were told it was supposed to feel that way.
Now You Know
Most people go their whole lives thinking deep work has to hurt. Now you know better.
Next time someone tells you, "No pain, no gain," you can smile. You know something they don't.
Try It for Yourself
I'm a mobile massage therapist, so I come to you. I bring the table and set up the space however you like it, with music if you want it. When we're done, you don't get back in the car. Walk to the couch, go for a walk or play some tennis. Whatever you want.
Text me at (914) 523-0116. Tell me your town, what's bothering you, a few days that work and a window of time on each. I'll get back to you as soon as I can with the best available option.
Doug O'Connell, LMT
P.S. If you've been putting off an in-home massage because the last one hurt, this is your sign to try again. Deep work, no gritting your teeth.